Love?

Question: What makes the difference in a couple that has been together for 50 years, and one that has been together for 2? In the face of so many problems and heartache, how can an older couple make things work, when the younger cannot? What is that missing connection and understanding?

..........

I had the pleasure of meeting a couple this past week. I was already planning to write on love, so, I figured why not ask them for an opinion on it, or advice for younger couples.

“Our advice?” Looking into each other’s eyes, “be careful of wanting love. With the majority of the younger couples we see, they all make the same mistakes.” The man leans forward, “I am a vet. I served over 30 years in the military. My wife cheated a total of 9 times. I can’t describe the hurt that I felt.” He looks back at her and she begins, “because of how I behaved, he cheated on me 4 times, one of them was responsible for my son.” Together they smile, and the man says, “but we stayed together. Son, love is unconditional. It is not easy, and like wine, it has to mature. Love may look beautiful just as grapes on the vines, but you cant call it wine until they are picked, processed, aged, and presented to the market. Love is the same. You may tell each other you are in love within the first 3 months. But it is not unconditional until you realize that no amount of pain will ever outweigh having real love.”

 His wife smiles, tearing up looking at him, then at me. What is your name? Anthony I reply. “Anthony, how many times have you been told i love you?” I don’t know was my answer. “Well, how many times have you been in love.” One I replied. “I can tell by the way you are listening and looking, you don’t have the love that we do, at least not yet. Here in lies the beginning of the mistake.”

When you meet someone,  you fall in love. That love is not just for that day. Rather the person they were, who they are today, and who they may become. You kids stop at the first few signs of pain and run. But what if you stayed? What if.. You loved your partner not only for happiness, but for sadness as well? What if being able to say I love you meant more than any mistake could erase?”

 I could only look at the floor. Thinking. Trying to answer the questions. She lifts my head saying, “You would truly know what being in love is. How valuable it is. When you are young, yes you will make mistakes, yes you will hurt and be hurt. That is what makes love an unbreakable bond. A smile or good time makes a connection. But once something bad happens, it is always held over anything happy. You kids are forgetting that love is not easy. And if you want it, you have to accept the hurt that comes with it. Not run from it. But build on it.”

I stopped taking notes and realized, this is what makes the older couples seem like they have a special kind of love. The one that the younger generations strive for. This is what we don’t understand about people who stay, when the world says run… Even if they spend 20 years being abused by man or woman before they leave, that hell builds the stairways to their heaven.

I thanked the couple, and turned to walk away. The man stopped me, and asked what was his over all meaning…

............

My answer?

 “If you want love, you will hurt for it. You will fight for it. You will give everything including life to never lose it. Or get it back. Loving someone because they never hurt you is easy. Be it a lie. Or more serious, loving someone because they have hurt you means much more then we give credit to. Any and Everything in life worth life has a struggle or fight behind it. Love is no different. That makes it unconditional and true. Instead of saying I want love or being hurt because you don’t have it, maybe ask if you are strong enough and willing to endure what you may have to in order to really be in love with someone.”

I am...

I can give you hope. When all you may see is failure.

I offer you strength, when you only feel weakness

I am light when everything around you is darkness.

I am love, when all you have is heartache.

Your friend when you are lonely, comfort when you are sad.

I am your smile when you cannot see joy.

I can be the reasons to live, as long as you never stop believing.

Hello world. I am your dreams. And I hope you never forget me. 

What You Dont Know

You beg of us to listen and trust in chaotic reasoning. Allowing the masses to define and control if I’ll ever get to be me.

My ass.

Yeah, I’ll fight to be Sure I’ll never be you,

I’ll pay no mind to opinions believed as fact by men and women,

The many who judge objectively, carelessly even,

Discarded intent in helping. Just stop it is what you should do, you’re actually imploding, the independent minds of the mentally gifted

People quit it, now before were covered in a contagion filled poisonous residue resembling that tainted image your worlds say is truly you

It’s a shame to watch one run from an internal knowing of being fake they stand yet still make us smile, though cry they would rather have

I’ll accept your names and abuse for now because this is what’s really sad

Focusing your time on me in life other than death, is all you’ll ever have. 

Never ending questions

This I would like to know. What does the feeling mean when you see things you were not meant to see. Things that should have been hidden. The heart races. The mind wonders. The whole body shakes uncontrollably. That weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. The little knot that comes from nowhere in the base of your throat.

Several different feelings come when this particular mood sets on. Trouble is, I don’t know that they are. Defiantly found in places I should not be looking. I don’t know if I can call it betrayal. Say it was a lie. I mean technically, there was no lie because nothing was ever said. Nothing was omitted because nothing was ever asked. Just assumed to not be so.

Ahhhh.. What is this? Dare say hate? A strong not liking? Happiness for knowing? Hell. I don’t know. Is it the feeling of trust flying out the window? Maybe seeing trust was never there? Trying to be the image of strong when maybe I should be weak? Fighting off weakness because, well.. It is weakness?

I can say this. It burns the nerve. Mind. Anything else it comes into contact with as well. Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. Actions. One’s own will. Almost like being told you are released from jail. Only to get that first breath of freedom and be told a mistake was made. The literal wind out of sails. Forgetting the automatic notion of breathing.

In the face of all this.. Maybe it is wishing that I had never knew anything other than the many secrets you continue to hold. Or could it be confusion. As to why I am still standing in front of a locked gate. Stubbornly blowing at my own sails. Constantly turning blue in the face and back again.

The Easy Way Out..?

Simple. Easy. A piece of cake. That was nothing. Is that it? I sooo got this.

All statements given to things in life that require little to no effort. Also given to the extremely difficult things we come across though stated with much sarcasm. This rant has to do with the both.

Someone taking the easy way out of a situation is considered a cop-out if the moment is intense. Why is this? To you it may be seen as the easy way. The option avoided being the tougher, maybe right choice. This again, is based on what one person views is the correct path for your decisions.

Why does it have to be this way though? I do not advocate one leaving children behind, however do not agree with calling this an easy decision. Nor looking down on the ones who have to live with this decision.. I can only imagine how difficult this has to be to decide. Having to accept that your own children are better off, in your eyes, with another set of parents. Agreeing you are not now in a position to have, nor care for children.

Some would say those people have chosen to take the easy way out. Looking at in that manner, was it really the easy decision? Having to deal with not only your own personal bashing, but the statements and opinions of everyone around you. In the face of that, there is no easy choice to the decision maker. Only to those who have an opinion to place..

Now, say the case is of someone and their job. Explained: If your boss comes to you asking of you to finish his newest project. You do so, not to the standards of what you would like to see done, rather to his own. Knowing that the project would be much better going your way. Some would say he/she took the easy way out by making that decision. Here are the sides..

Do only what the boss asked, or deliver something up to your potential and risk your hard work being trashed. Laughed at. Not wanted. Fear it may be, but which is easier? To be who you want to be, or who everyone is okay with you being? Again, neither is easy to the decision maker. Only where an outside opinion is placed.

Some would say it is easy to stay quiet. Harder to speak up. The opposite end would say it is hard to be quiet, easy to speak up. Again, depending on who you are, rather, what opinion you are making.

All I am saying is this.. Before you go proclaiming to others how “person a” is taking the easy way out, maybe actually look at and think of their situation, from their side. Basically, stop taking the easy way out. 

Rant Number One.. Part 1

Who set the standard for life? Well, the meaning of it. If I remember correctly, the country was founded with the freedom of life, liberty, and free will in mind. The USA as a hole is built on that. OUR history is riddled with those who have fought. Died. Suffered. Sacrificed. Believed in that notion. Even now, we as a nation do the same. USA lends a helping hand to any country that wants a democracy. Giving our lives to help another be free. Even though in some cases, the cost in my opinion is to high, we, as a nation, still refuse to give up on the idea that EVERYONE deserves this right. Question is, where did the standard of life come from if we are free to chose what we want? there shouldn't be a standard because that would mean that the ideals of another are pushed onto another as a directed path to take.

Having free will is one thing. But its free will with rules and  guidelines to live by and strive for. Moral instability aside, isn't that backwards? Freedom really is a doubled edged sword. Swing one way and the possibilities are endless. Swing the other, and.. Well, there are no possibilities.

Tonight I am watching one of today's great illusionist amaze everyone he comes into contact with.. Some of what he does, you can look at say "That is not magic.. I know what you did.. But it is entertaining..".. An illusion. Others? Leave you with only "How? Why?". Some of them cried. Horrified looks of confusion. Maybe that is the reason for the iconic statement of "chasing the American Dream".

He is only an illusion to "I made this happen in my life." It is magic to "this was fate. Destiny". Do you see the edge?? Freedom allows one to choose to live a certain way.. Destiny and fate however do not allow choice because it is "Written in stone". Both we love. Live with. Believe in.. Give "freedom", defined to them both.. But they are different.

Or am I thinking of things wrong?

To be continued.........

Wake Up People...

This will piss off a lot of people.. I don’t think I need to say I am sorry. And won’t apologize. After all, it is only the dream, belief, and drive one man. This Man. So was the resounding inspiration in the iconic speech "I Have A Dream."

I am mixed. My dad is Black, and my mom is White. African-American and Caucasian for the politically correct crowd. My siblings and I, when asked what race are we, always say Black. My mom’s side of the family was only involved for the first three years or so. Even then, it was a very, felt distance.

Growing up we dealt with hearing “cracka’ this, cracka’ that. Them white folks this, the man that” from our surroundings. Grew to understand and believe that the “system”, Government, education, law enforcement, employment, basically every reasons that an untold number of different races and religions and creeds migrate to our country, “was built and designed to keep the African-American race down”. Keep us from succeeding.

Here are the facts:

Yes our ancestors came to this country in a horrid, viral, and messed up way. Yes, racism and segregation was very real and during that time, our race didn’t have a voice. Literally beaten and even killed for learning to read or wanting more than a plantation in their future. Then, we were meant to never succeed. Then we were not people. Then, the way we believe now, was true.

But now is not the case. The Black American Activist that participated in sit ins. Fought, died, struggled, risked. Not only their own life, but the lives of loved ones. Refused to be less than a man or woman. Strived, believed, influenced, the founding resounding strength in the tear filled words of, “Our people was forced and tricked into coming here. Then we didn’t have a choice. Now we do. And damit, I am human. A man. Woman. Father. Son. Friend. Hero. I am everything you are, you will treat me as so.” The ones who really did have to fight the system, had reasons to speak as we do now. But we, as a part of this generation do not.

They gave all they did to help us, every generation during and after their time, see a better day. See hope. Be…. The men and women we choose to be. The excuses we make today about the “system” and all the inclusive bs that follows is literally, a slap in the face to everything they lived and died for.

See, not only the country, but the world knows full well what the history of our country is. As such, yes we do still have people who have the same ignorant thoughts and believes that were held then, the majority, now, wants only to forget that time. And do what can be done to say, “What? No. no. God no. I don’t believe in nor support that mentality.”

As pertained to the African-American race, I believe we have used our ancestors struggles as a crutch for long enough. There are countless programs, plans, means of help, organizations, etc. put in place both by our own people and some of America to give us the actual advantage. All we have to do is want it.

I know, in my own community, I hear this: “They have money to build and update jails and prisons, but can’t put the money into the schools or community. They want to see us fail. Keep us down.” This, I disagree. Yes our race makes up the majority of the population in our prison system. However, with the exception of the ones who are wrongly incarcerated based on something to do with the race, it is all a choice.

We don’t have to commit crimes, fail, be statistics, and make the decisions that lead us to jail,  basically the modern day slavery, no matter the race of people. The current generation, in my belief, are to be found lacking in the dream filled motivation our ancestors had. That being the will to never give up, never stop dreaming. Never stop hoping for the betterment of the current as well as the future generations vs the bragging rights of independent, sometimes taken success, most importantly, freedom, equality, is not only a fight but a way of life that will never end.

Yes the problems our ancestors had still are around in this country. Then, we as a race, fought it united. Now, we complain about it divided. We have their strength. Their endurance. Their will to live freely and as we wish. Given or not, we, just as then, have to want it, strive for it, not accept what is in front of us as a limitation and make our own futures. If we can’t do this, then what was the point for them fighting?

I think they would be disappointed that as compared to then, the number of men and women in our race fighting for betterment and equality has diminished severely. I don’t however, think they would lose hope in the dream they struggled in building. Let us remember that they had a responsibility to their past as well as future to never stop moving forward. Improving. Being the people we, are meant to be, can be, and dream to be.

Then, almost everyone was against us, while we fought back. Now, we are the only thing that can prevent a better tomorrow. Go to school. Bust your ass. Refuse to be a statistic. Grab the proverbial hammer and bang the hell out your own nail in our futures security and dream. Build on what our history has started. Improve on the design. Stop standing, complaining, wishing. Pretending anything but our generation as a whole is holding us down.

Yes, times get very hard. And environments may be painful, destroying and believe me, can most times only offer the opposite of hope and success. People, remember. Freedom is a choice and fight. It is here if you refuse to never stop chasing it.  

Our ancestral tree is riveted with great people. Their DNA still runs through our veins. For the ones who realize this, keep their dream, They, make success of their lives. Never mind the surroundings. My standing ovation, and deepest support goes out to them. For the ones who do not, I offer you my sympathy. Keeping in mind that we don’t have to change the world. Being great is merely a matter of being a man. Or woman. Fighting, living, never giving up on what our ancestors died to create.