Tonight I called my house, my son was acting up a little.
His mother puts him on the phone:
(Stern, assertive voice)
“Boy, what are you doing?”
“Daddy I…”
“Better yet, what are you supposed to be doing?”
He puts the phone down and walks away crying, going towards
his room. Called back to the phone, he picks it up, crying rather loudly.
“Boy stop crying in my ear.”
As he puts the phone on the arm of the couch, he says “you
can’t be mad daddy, it’s your fault.”
He then walks away, still crying.
At first, my feelings were hurt. My thinking was that my son
was misbehaving because I was not there. Furthermore, I can’t be mad at him
right then because it’s my fault to begin with.. His mother laughed in the
background during this exchange. I told her that it was not funny. Not
something she should laugh at. The fact that he was saying that was pretty
serious.
“No, I wasn’t laughing at that. It was cute what he did.
When you told him to stop crying in your ear, he put the phone down so you wouldn’t
hear him crying. Saying you shouldn’t be mad at him for crying because you were
the reason he was upset to begin with.”
A few minutes later, this sunk in. My original thought was
wrong. I was hurt because I felt like I was not a good parent, but it wasn’t true.
What a relief that was. Just then, I had an “ah-hah” moment. I made him cry. I
was the cause. So, how can I be mad about something I started? My three year
old son wasn’t speaking words that said I am a bad parent, I took it that way.
Once I thought about it, he was only saying I made him cry, I can’t be mad
about it.
The point?
Life may happen fast. In a literal second. However it takes
much longer to “set” into the mind. Sometimes, we immediately judge, think,
speak and feel on things in life the minute they happen. That, is our mistake.
Not the fault of those involved because we rushed to an opinion. They speak the
meaning, its up to us to understand it. The seconds that make up life are worth
more then the split second it takes to misjudge them. In addition to that, if
we are the cause that creates a specific effect, how can we be upset? If you
live one way say, 20 years. If it has ended up in failure 97% of the time,
rational thinking would say try something different. If you continue, who is to
blame? If you are known as someone who is manipulative, not trust worthy, how
can you be mad when someone calls you on it? If you change, meet someone who
has heard the stories, what SHOULD you do? Be mad because it takes a while for
you to be trusted and revert? Or continue to say “I am not the same” and do
what it takes to be seen that way? Working one job for a long time, switching
to something new is scary. Unknown. Though you know, for a future, you have to
make the change, why would you be mad later on because you didn’t do so? To
often we are the cause that generates an effect. Said “you get what you give”
right?
Before getting irrationally upset over something, stop.
First make sure you have the right understanding.. Patience. Think back. Are
you the cause for this effect? Wisdom. If its change, believe you can do
better, be different. Courage. Bravery. Will power.
This post can be and will be helpful to some. Tonight, my
son gave me this understanding, adding to lessons previously learned. If you
get insight from this post, then It has done its job. Though this one, is
really for future references for Ayden. My son. That one phone call tonight
allowed me to grow further as a man and father.
“Thank you Ayden. As a parent, there will be times where I
am the cause for you to cry. That will never mean that I am not here for you. I
am here to teach you so many things in life to help you prepare to be you own
man one day. Tonight though, you are the teacher and I, the proud student. I
Love You Baby and nothing will change that”
