Acceptance
Question.. What causes us as people to do the things we do
in order to fit in?
Opinionated definition.. The biggest example of acceptance
that we have as a nation, I would say, would be one person behaving in a manner
that is not of them in order to be a part of the given environment or situation
and belief. (I didn’t look at a dictionary. That is my opinion of the meaning.)
Timeline and introduction.. Age: 6 to current. 27. My entire
world changed just before I hit my first year as a teen. That age is when I came
into my own as a person, solidified the subtle nuisances that set me apart and
helped create every aspect of me.. As with everything else, there is a story
involved. One I will tell completely within respect to this post.
Story:
As a kid, I tried to fit in with the people that were around
me. Pretended to be tough, like, that whole bad boy image. I even rode this lie
of me losing a child for quite some time, that by the way, will be another
post….. I did so many things trying to be like this person. Or adapt to a
certain way of thinking, speaking and behaving so people would want to be
involved with me. Blend in to be a part of the whole so I would not stand out
and feel alone. A follower in the aspect of me setting aside my own known
“natural” to be someone, something, anything other than me. Taking on identity
pieces of those envied in the wish of becoming who they were to everyone else. (Remember
that sentence).
The metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back in
reference to acceptance, came with, what I consider, my first actual
relationship. Me and my cousin were walking through our neighborhood. We see
two girls coming towards us. One, he knows from high school. She was turning
18. The other, was around my age. 13. He, set efforts on the older one. Me,
pushed by him, set attention, though awkward, on the younger. She ignored me.
Shot down if you will. The older one turns to me and asks how old was I. My
reply? How old do I need to be? That was all it took to begin something I
didn’t try for. Something I thought was out of my reach. Something…… That was
natural.. Taking no effort to be something I already was. Focusing on the
younger one, I faked an image. The older saw the natural and loved it. (also
another post). Walking away, I smiled, mystified about this basically grown
woman wanting me. A jit. (young kid). My cousin looks at me and says: What did
you say to that girl? TJ, (family name), I didn’t know you had it in you.
Neither did I. After seeing each other a few times, and
each, I went back to pretending looking for acceptance from this girl. One
night she tells me: There is something about you. Tony, (friends call me that),
just be you. Not who you think you should be. Everything changed then. Why?
Because I accepted me, who I am, how I am, what I am, both in that moment and
any possible future. Before thinking this, I thought a leader had to be a focal
point among a group of people. After? I saw that this thinking was wrong. A
leader not only leads a group, but themselves as well. Meaning? Even if a
leader is alone, they are still a leader. Natural. No effort. Traits of a
person that follow a self-intended path¸ without self-sacrifice for another.
That concept of a leader, again, to me, expanded would mean not necessarily leading
a group, rather choosing to be you, despite the group, not the next shadow of
the would be masses.
How? By accepting who, inclusive what, you were, are and
will be. I cannot speak for everyone that stands out, as for me, accepting my
own self is and was the deciding differential between being a leader and a
follower. I saw and felt that the only reason I sought for acceptance is
because I was not happy with myself. Thinking someone else, another image of a
person, was better than I, me, who I am when pretending was not an option.
Now everyone has to accept me, need me, want me, love me
because I am just like them. Right?
Wrong… See.. The people that stand out in society are the
ones that only want to be themselves. Role models. Examples. Self-realized I.
Not someone else. Leaders.
Again, how? Acceptance. It does not matter who or what you
are. Where you come from. Where you plan to go. To be a leader, just be you.
All you have to lead is yourself. Never mind the masses. Accept every part of
you. Because it is you.
It took some time, but slowly, all the things that I was
pretending to be for everyone else, soon became a reality. It wasn’t fake.
Pretended. Natural. So much potential rested inside of me but focusing on being
someone else, I didn’t see it at first. My own mind is amazing. Skills and
talents? To many to count. It’s not blowing my own horn or anything, just
saying, all you have to do, is give you a chance and the possibilities are
endless.
I found out, I didn’t need to be accepted by everyone else.
They were all trying to be someone else anyway. Such chaos. Who am I really
trying to impress or mimic, hell, I don’t even know the person we are trying to
be like. Smart kids were made fun of. Shy kids were lonely. Well, looking from
their side, what is right: Teasing, taunting, hurting, and neglecting someone
being themselves, or someone not having the confidence to be who they are? Who
is really shy? The person showing who they are, or the person pretending to be
someone else, hiding the real them?
Any race, creed, religion, body shape, “status in life” all
contain people who feel they have to be someone else. Wanting acceptance makes
people do un natural things. They also have people who only want to be them.
For them. Not for the group. They, are my role modles. It takes unbelievable
strength, courage, and belief in ones self to let nothing or no one change nor
dictate who they are. Its people like this that helped show me how important it
is to accept myself. Paving the way for this post, to help another..
Accept who you are. If you don’t, no one else will. It is
hard, and yes, it hurts at times. Just remember, after accepting your self, you
have something that the ones you sought to please never will. An identity as an
individual. Think of it this way:
The group follows the people that don’t follow the group..
Make Sense?
