Thursday, May 23, 2013

I am...

I can give you hope. When all you may see is failure.
I offer you strength, when you only feel weakness
I am light when everything around you is darkness.
I am love, when all you have is heartache.
Your friend when you are lonely, comfort when you are sad.
I am your smile when you cannot see joy.
I can be the reasons to live, as long as you never stop believing.

Hello world. I am your dreams. And I hope you never forget me. 

What You Dont Know

You beg of us to listen and trust in chaotic reasoning. Allowing the masses to define and control if I’ll ever get to be me.

My ass.

Yeah, I’ll fight to be Sure I’ll never be you,

I’ll pay no mind to opinions believed as fact by men and women,

The many who judge objectively, carelessly even,

Discarded intent in helping. Just stop it is what you should do, you’re actually imploding, the independent minds of the mentally gifted

People quit it, now before were covered in a contagion filled poisonous residue resembling that tainted image your worlds say is truly you

It’s a shame to watch one run from an internal knowing of being fake they stand yet still make us smile, though cry they would rather have

I’ll accept your names and abuse for now because this is what’s really sad

Focusing your time on me in life other than death, is all you’ll ever have. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Never ending questions

This I would like to know. What does the feeling mean when you see things you were not meant to see. Things that should have been hidden. The heart races. The mind wonders. The whole body shakes uncontrollably. That weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. The little knot that comes from nowhere in the base of your throat.

Several different feelings come when this particular mood sets on. Trouble is, I don’t know that they are. Defiantly found in places I should not be looking. I don’t know if I can call it betrayal. Say it was a lie. I mean technically, there was no lie because nothing was ever said. Nothing was omitted because nothing was ever asked. Just assumed to not be so.

Ahhhh.. What is this? Dare say hate? A strong not liking? Happiness for knowing? Hell. I don’t know. Is it the feeling of trust flying out the window? Maybe seeing trust was never there? Trying to be the image of strong when maybe I should be weak? Fighting off weakness because, well.. It is weakness?

I can say this. It burns the nerve. Mind. Anything else it comes into contact with as well. Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. Actions. One’s own will. Almost like being told you are released from jail. Only to get that first breath of freedom and be told a mistake was made. The literal wind out of sails. Forgetting the automatic notion of breathing.


In the face of all this.. Maybe it is wishing that I had never knew anything other than the many secrets you continue to hold. Or could it be confusion. As to why I am still standing in front of a locked gate. Stubbornly blowing at my own sails. Constantly turning blue in the face and back again.

Monday, May 20, 2013

The Easy Way Out..?


Simple. Easy. A piece of cake. That was nothing. Is that it? I sooo got this.

All statements given to things in life that require little to no effort. Also given to the extremely difficult things we come across though stated with much sarcasm. This rant has to do with the both.
Someone taking the easy way out of a situation is considered a cop-out if the moment is intense. Why is this? To you it may be seen as the easy way. The option avoided being the tougher, maybe right choice. This again, is based on what one person views is the correct path for your decisions.
Why does it have to be this way though? I do not advocate one leaving children behind, however do not agree with calling this an easy decision. Nor looking down on the ones who have to live with this decision.. I can only imagine how difficult this has to be to decide. Having to accept that your own children are better off, in your eyes, with another set of parents. Agreeing you are not now in a position to have, nor care for children.
Some would say those people have chosen to take the easy way out. Looking at in that manner, was it really the easy decision? Having to deal with not only your own personal bashing, but the statements and opinions of everyone around you. In the face of that, there is no easy choice to the decision maker. Only to those who have an opinion to place..
Now, say the case is of someone and their job. Explained: If your boss comes to you asking of you to finish his newest project. You do so, not to the standards of what you would like to see done, rather to his own. Knowing that the project would be much better going your way. Some would say he/she took the easy way out by making that decision. Here are the sides..
Do only what the boss asked, or deliver something up to your potential and risk your hard work being trashed. Laughed at. Not wanted. Fear it may be, but which is easier? To be who you want to be, or who everyone is okay with you being? Again, neither is easy to the decision maker. Only where an outside opinion is placed.
Some would say it is easy to stay quiet. Harder to speak up. The opposite end would say it is hard to be quiet, easy to speak up. Again, depending on who you are, rather, what opinion you are making.
All I am saying is this.. Before you go proclaiming to others how “person a” is taking the easy way out, maybe actually look at and think of their situation, from their side. Basically, stop taking the easy way out. 

Rant Number One.. Part 1

Who set the standard for life? Well, the meaning of it. If I remember correctly, the country was founded with the freedom of life, liberty, and free will in mind. The USA as a hole is built on that. OUR history is riddled with those who have fought. Died. Suffered. Sacrificed. Believed in that notion. Even now, we as a nation do the same. USA lends a helping hand to any country that wants a democracy. Giving our lives to help another be free. Even though in some cases, the cost in my opinion is to high, we, as a nation, still refuse to give up on the idea that EVERYONE deserves this right. Question is, where did the standard of life come from if we are free to chose what we want? there shouldn't be a standard because that would mean that the ideals of another are pushed onto another as a directed path to take.

Having free will is one thing. But its free will with rules and  guidelines to live by and strive for. Moral instability aside, isn't that backwards? Freedom really is a doubled edged sword. Swing one way and the possibilities are endless. Swing the other, and.. Well, there are no possibilities.

Tonight I am watching one of today's great illusionist amaze everyone he comes into contact with.. Some of what he does, you can look at say "That is not magic.. I know what you did.. But it is entertaining..".. An illusion. Others? Leave you with only "How? Why?". Some of them cried. Horrified looks of confusion. Maybe that is the reason for the iconic statement of "chasing the American Dream".

He is only an illusion to "I made this happen in my life." It is magic to "this was fate. Destiny". Do you see the edge?? Freedom allows one to choose to live a certain way.. Destiny and fate however do not allow choice because it is "Written in stone". Both we love. Live with. Believe in.. Give "freedom", defined to them both.. But they are different.

Or am I thinking of things wrong?

To be continued.........

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Wake Up People...


This will piss off a lot of people.. I don’t think I need to say I am sorry. And won’t apologize. After all, it is only the dream, belief, and drive one man. This Man. So was the resounding inspiration in the iconic speech "I Have A Dream."

I am mixed. My dad is Black, and my mom is White. African-American and Caucasian for the politically correct crowd. My siblings and I, when asked what race are we, always say Black. My mom’s side of the family was only involved for the first three years or so. Even then, it was a very, felt distance.
Growing up we dealt with hearing “cracka’ this, cracka’ that. Them white folks this, the man that” from our surroundings. Grew to understand and believe that the “system”, Government, education, law enforcement, employment, basically every reasons that an untold number of different races and religions and creeds migrate to our country, “was built and designed to keep the African-American race down”. Keep us from succeeding.

Here are the facts:
Yes our ancestors came to this country in a horrid, viral, and messed up way. Yes, racism and segregation was very real and during that time, our race didn’t have a voice. Literally beaten and even killed for learning to read or wanting more than a plantation in their future. Then, we were meant to never succeed. Then we were not people. Then, the way we believe now, was true.
But now is not the case. The Black American Activist that participated in sit ins. Fought, died, struggled, risked. Not only their own life, but the lives of loved ones. Refused to be less than a man or woman. Strived, believed, influenced, the founding resounding strength in the tear filled words of, “Our people was forced and tricked into coming here. Then we didn’t have a choice. Now we do. And damit, I am human. A man. Woman. Father. Son. Friend. Hero. I am everything you are, you will treat me as so.” The ones who really did have to fight the system, had reasons to speak as we do now. But we, as a part of this generation do not.
They gave all they did to help us, every generation during and after their time, see a better day. See hope. Be…. The men and women we choose to be. The excuses we make today about the “system” and all the inclusive bs that follows is literally, a slap in the face to everything they lived and died for.
See, not only the country, but the world knows full well what the history of our country is. As such, yes we do still have people who have the same ignorant thoughts and believes that were held then, the majority, now, wants only to forget that time. And do what can be done to say, “What? No. no. God no. I don’t believe in nor support that mentality.”
As pertained to the African-American race, I believe we have used our ancestors struggles as a crutch for long enough. There are countless programs, plans, means of help, organizations, etc. put in place both by our own people and some of America to give us the actual advantage. All we have to do is want it.
I know, in my own community, I hear this: “They have money to build and update jails and prisons, but can’t put the money into the schools or community. They want to see us fail. Keep us down.” This, I disagree. Yes our race makes up the majority of the population in our prison system. However, with the exception of the ones who are wrongly incarcerated based on something to do with the race, it is all a choice.
We don’t have to commit crimes, fail, be statistics, and make the decisions that lead us to jail,  basically the modern day slavery, no matter the race of people. The current generation, in my belief, are to be found lacking in the dream filled motivation our ancestors had. That being the will to never give up, never stop dreaming. Never stop hoping for the betterment of the current as well as the future generations vs the bragging rights of independent, sometimes taken success, most importantly, freedom, equality, is not only a fight but a way of life that will never end.
Yes the problems our ancestors had still are around in this country. Then, we as a race, fought it united. Now, we complain about it divided. We have their strength. Their endurance. Their will to live freely and as we wish. Given or not, we, just as then, have to want it, strive for it, not accept what is in front of us as a limitation and make our own futures. If we can’t do this, then what was the point for them fighting?
I think they would be disappointed that as compared to then, the number of men and women in our race fighting for betterment and equality has diminished severely. I don’t however, think they would lose hope in the dream they struggled in building. Let us remember that they had a responsibility to their past as well as future to never stop moving forward. Improving. Being the people we, are meant to be, can be, and dream to be.
Then, almost everyone was against us, while we fought back. Now, we are the only thing that can prevent a better tomorrow. Go to school. Bust your ass. Refuse to be a statistic. Grab the proverbial hammer and bang the hell out your own nail in our futures security and dream. Build on what our history has started. Improve on the design. Stop standing, complaining, wishing. Pretending anything but our generation as a whole is holding us down.
Yes, times get very hard. And environments may be painful, destroying and believe me, can most times only offer the opposite of hope and success. People, remember. Freedom is a choice and fight. It is here if you refuse to never stop chasing it.  
Our ancestral tree is riveted with great people. Their DNA still runs through our veins. For the ones who realize this, keep their dream, They, make success of their lives. Never mind the surroundings. My standing ovation, and deepest support goes out to them. For the ones who do not, I offer you my sympathy. Keeping in mind that we don’t have to change the world. Being great is merely a matter of being a man. Or woman. Fighting, living, never giving up on what our ancestors died to create. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I'm Sorry.. Only Means Something, When. It Means Nothing..

Language allows us as a people a way to connect. No matter the way of speaking, or language itself, "I'm sorry" is apart of said communication. All except one. Love is said to be the only universal language. Connecting all people through its connection and communication. "I'm sorry" are the only words, love, does not understand. Speaking it, in any language, has a meaning. Except love. When heard, its hollow. Doubted. Ignored. In some cases, even an insult. It allows one to accept a mistake, but does nothing to help healing. Often asked, "if you loved me, then why?" I have looked at hundreds of ways to say I am sorry. All with the same meaning. And none, made sense in the case of love.. My message, though long, and possibly lacking is this: "value, respect, and cherish love. Do right by it. Because I'm sorry fixes nothing. I'm sorry isn't understood. I'm sorry only adds doubt to love existence. Love truly is perfect. Its US, as people, who make mistakes. Make apologies. Then, we can pretend forgiveness.. But it's only an act. Know how special love is. It truly is the only thing in life worth its effort. Be it children, family, relationships, any if it. Never take love for less then what it is.. I'm sorry, does not heal love. Though universally understood, its universally useless in that aspect."

Step One

No genius do I claim to be. Prodigy of my peers.. No. The million dollar man reincarnated? Defiantly not that. Maybe the 75 dollar in debt man..  At either rate, I have written quite a bit of things through out this little life of mine. Most of it has been really good.. Like really good. But it all gets lost. Either that or given to someone as inspiration or something.. I figured i would try this method out. And see where it gets me. Unless the Internet goes down, I wont lose the work. And it is in the range of a much bigger audience. Meaning even more people can get some use out of my ramblings..

To begin, Here is a couple of notations, stories, useful or useless... Basically the Facebook collection as of yet.. You guys have to play catch up...

Well then.. On to it..